A vent on being "tiny"

I'm not an overweight girl. In fact, I'm quite average and that's the thing.

Now, reading this, one might think I'm about to babble on and on about all of my bodily imperfections and, if by chance I was correct in that assumption, I wouldn't blame one for thinking such things. However, one would be wrong to every possible degree if they thought that's what this was about. So now, I'm asking you to simply read unobjectively, keep an open mind and maybe.....just maybe.....enjoy yourself a little......

I'll begin with what brought these feelings of wonder, about:

Today at school I was walking from my car to class. It's the end of August in South Carolina and to be plain, it's damn hot. Sweating is a given no matter what you do and down here, it's probably more normal to be sweating than to not be. Anyway, in my trudge from car to class I noticed people. That's what I do, I'm a people watcher I guess. In my mind, I comment on perhaps something they are wearing, how they've chosen to style their hair, the purse one gal could have on her shoulder or the extremely large butt the man in front of me is sporting. To be particular and to get back to my point, I noticed a girl today. She wasn't wearing anything unique or out of the ordinary. As a matter of fact, she looked pretty dull and maybe that's what made me look her way. It was more likely the fact that I passed her going in the opposite direction and being the avid people watcher that I am I pretty much notice any and all, dull or unique. This girl was petite and the precise moment I registered that fact is when I said to myself......"I wonder what it's like to be that tiny."

My belly bulges slightly, it has my entire life....maybe more than slightly but I'm trying not to be self-degredating remember?? Anyway, my thighs up towards my butt are bigger than I'd prefer without a doubt and speaking of my butt.....hell, I'm not even gonna go there. This tiny girl couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs and I felt annoyed. It's certainly not her fault my thighs do a little jig whenever I run.....or is it??? After seeing her this afternoon I began to notice every single tiny girl in school it seemed and it only left me feeling pitiful. It's honestly pathetic how much I stress about the size of my body, but it's close to an uncontrollable obsession that I rarely do anything about....except maybe skip a meal here or there (don't give me that eating disorder bologna either....I enjoy food and don't enjoy barfing....so don't judge me damnit!) I often chose to blame it all on myself, but why the hell can't I blame the tiny girls? The girls with perfect bodies?? They probably never get blamed for anything and it's high time they did because they're leaving gals like me to ask that one lingering, haunting question..... "What on earth does it feel like to be that tiny?"

To not have a slight bulge of the belly that's especially prominent when I sit down would simply be a dream come true. I know what one might be saying now....."EXCERCISE!" The only desirable answer I have to that is...."NO!" I bet the tiny girls don't ever do cardio. I bet they eat McDonalds and cake, too. It would sound cliche to say it isn't fair but, seriously.....IT'S NOT!! If I could step inside a tiny girl's head and listen to her inner monologues I bet she's never wondering what it's like to be that "average."

I've run off into a bit of a rant here and for that I apologize because that wasn't my intention, I just got carried away. It's easy to feel misguided now and so I want to set the record straight....for the most part, I'm content with my shapely curves. There's always going to be days when thinner appears more beautiful and the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. Now's the time I should say something about inner beauty is the true beauty and get all sorts of philosophical but I'm going to spare you from that as well.

It's just that (and honestly I can't help it)......sometimes and only sometimes ...... I just wonder what it's like to be that tiny.