Attempting "moving on"

I won't argue that when someone ends a long-term relationship the situation isn't easy for numerous reasons. For example, one could still be in love with the other making the separation from that person hard to bare, one could be incredibly angry with the other causing resentment and disappointment, or both could just be feeling like their time together is over so it's finally time to accept it and move on.

"Moving on" as cliche as this is, is much easier said than done. It's one of those phrases that could also carry numerous meanings from one person to the next. "Move on" from your pain, "move on" from regret and sorrow, "move on" from resentment and anger, most importantly; "move on" from loving the only person you've let inside for however long it may have been. It' s seemingly the most popular phrase during the break- up process, everyone knows it has to be done, there's no need to repeat it, but yet it's the hardest part.

It's the hardest part because even if you've left behind your feelings of "missing," "regretting," and "anger," those scars will remain and become more noticeable when you attempt to love again. Whatever went wrong in the past is going to cause fear and withdrawl in the future. No one wants what hurt them in the past to happen again, that's obvious; so they hold back their true feelings, quite possibly missing out on or shielding themselves from the potential healings powers of letting someone else in. Dwelling on pain will only cause more pain in the long run. Ultimately what you're attempting to protect yourself from, is what would/could save you and your jaded views of love.

Easier said than done though right? I mean you could talk yourself in to almost any scenario. You could sit and tell yourself to move on and you may actually even give "moving on" a fair shot, but the fears of getting hurt all over again haunt you and eventually take over, leaving you alone.....all over again. It's a viscious cycle that only you can break.

Pinpoint what went wrong in the relationship that's left you so scarred. What did you do that caused the relationship to continue so bitterly as long as it did? Why did you let whatever it was that hurt you continuously do so over and over? I say you because despite the fact that someone else may have committed acts that caused you to feel lowly and rotten, you let it happen more than once, you didn't take good enough care of yourself. Please do not be mistaken this is not a punishment, this is not being written to make you feel worse, this is being written to show you that only you can heal yourself. You have more power inside you than you think, than you believe. Moving on only has to be as difficult as you make it.

Focus on today and changing the pain you feel from the past into a positive stepping stone for the future. It is possible to take knowledge with you into tomorrow, rather than nasty scars. Most scars heal anyway, so there's no need to baby them, even the most ugly scars seem less noticeable with time.

Holding on to fear means holding on to pain, but if you hold on to lessons learned and treat them as just that, you're holding on to the key which unlocks all the wonderful things about yourself that are just dying to be shared with others that love you, that truly love you. Sometime in the future the occasion will arise to give that preverbial key to someone else and when they've proven themself worthy--it's ok to give it to them. You can actually let them get to know who you are without listening to the pesky voices from the past.

Keep in mind that "moving on" may never be as easy to perform as it is to say and that's ok because I know that I'll get there in due time.