Metamorphosis: A Villanelle

Butterfly, use your wings to soar.
Your colors will not fade.
There’s plenty to explore.

Through this world you’ve slithered and bore,
The leaves and trees your only shade.
Butterfly, use your wings to soar.

Do not rest upon this earthly floor,
Those wings, for flying, were they made.
There’s plenty to explore.

Try it once and you’ll cry MORE!
The breeze shall be your aide.
Butterfly, use your wings to soar.

This world is not myth or merely folklore,
It is your stage on which to be played.
There’s plenty to explore.

Count up from one until four,
Glide, and your beauty will be displayed.
Butterfly, use your wings to soar,
There’s plenty to explore.

Picture

Emerald eyes
Magic, like the City.
He spoke, she melted
The world froze in place.
Those words, his words
Linger in days passed.
Peace in sleep and only there
Her tight lips reverse.
In waking, nothing’s changed-
His picture stays the same
While the heart in him,
Like the Wizard never was.

Passer By

Just because we laid together
Once. Doesn’t mean we’ll stay together
Forever. You are a wrinkle in a chapter
Of a book I couldn’t wait to close.
The story, about a girl—
Discovering. There’s more to this life.
She took too long, I won’t.
Just because we laid together, once.

A Kick From Deep Within

Speeding through life- SMASH! Cantaloupe on concrete- constant planning
For—tomorrow’s another day.
What about today?
Do you know who I am? Do you even know yourself?
Have faith in the reasons I’ve come to be—
Inside you I want to flourish, maybe then you’ll see
I am you and I am he and this can be
The joy you’ve all been searching for to lock inside your memory.
Look into a mirror; see into your eyes,
I’m growing right there, like a dream you inspired to live.
Breathe in the seconds that bring life and you’ll see—
Me, your reasons for everything.

FYI

If you would like to tickle your fancy and read my previous blog....go right ahead and maybe even giggle a little.

If you would like to write a comment about my previous blog or maybe even write your own rebuttal blog.....go for it dude.

BUT I need you all to know this teeny piece of info before you dabble, as I am getting the impression some of my readers may think my list of 10 may be in some way reflective of my fabulous boyfriend. My list stemmed from Esquire magazine. Every issue they have a list of 10 from a famous female actress, musician, artist, etc and they are often pretty dang funny. I wanted to make my own list and provide perhaps even just a smile on the faces of those who dare to care.

This is my prologue....thank you for your time.

10 Things A Man Should Know.....With Love From: A Woman

10. Truly a simple concept, but for one reason or another, too hard to grasp.....JUST PUT THE DAMN TOILET SEAT DOWN!!! Oh....and maybe try to keep the pee IN the toilet rather than perhaps on the seat itself or dripping down the side only to stain the pretty rug that lies on the tile. It's all about direction fellas.....think about it.

9. You wanna play videogames well into your 30s and beyond??? Go right ahead. You should know though.....the louder and more obnoxious you become while playing these mindless time occupiers, the less inclined we'll be to love on you in the bedroom. You've been told this since grade school.....indoor voices gentlemen.

8. Total turn on when you're more than willing to run to the store for tampons and/or Vagisil. Oh stop getting grossed out already....you're probably the reason for that itch in the first place! Buck up you Sally.

7. Women poop too.

6. We like to know you're thinking about us throughout the day. However, saying "Oh hunni, I thought about you today when I saw this really large chested chick with great cleavage," somehow isn't quite what we meant. Shocker I know. You're intelligent enough so think of something else k?

5. Does it add emphasis when you say the "F" word 12 times in a single sentence statement?? NOPE! You don't need to talk to us like we're your grandmother...BUT....you don't need to talk to us like we're one of your buddies either.

4. Let that guy at the end of the bar that's been staring all night long buy us a drink. It's less money you have to spend, right?

3. You're not gonna die because you sat through the Notebook! GOD!

2. Call when you say you're going to....plain and simple to us.....but apparently extremely difficult to men so work on that one for us.

1. This number one is of the utmost importance. It is not a pet peev. It is not the single desire of a gal like myself (seeings how I am the one writing this list). It is a Cardinal Rule that ALL man should adbide by when trying to maintain civility on earth with women.....drum roll please........








ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.




Sound familiar? Perhaps it was something you're mother used to say? Or maybe your homeroom teacher in the 8th grade? You're homeroom teacher in the 8th grade was a woman, correct? Chances are....yes, that is correct. Anyway, you've been hearing it all your life and the statement itself is redundant, I know, but there is a reason you've been hearing it your whole life, darling. It's a damn Cardinal Rule! For some reason men all over the world test it's limits....maybe even try to break it or change it a little. Well news flash guys, it CANNOT be changed or tweeked, let alone broken. Since you've been hearing it your whole lives I won't go into it's numerous meanings, but I will say this much and leave you at that......rules are always meant to be broken and I'll be the first to admit that......but this one.....this Cardinal Rule.....has no loopholes, gentlemen, and it's not a hard one to accept. Try it sometime if you haven't already and I promise you this.....you'll praise the day I guarantee it....oh, and another plus.....if you stick to it, you'll never hear it from the mouth of another woman in your life EVER AGAIN!


Good Luck, Boys and God Bless :-)

"I love you" for the first time

I was inspired to dance today
To a soundless melody
Wild, untamed
But with a graceful sway.

I flew like a bird.
Please do not think me absurd!
I know if this sound were to tickle your ear
you, too, would move with no fear.

I was inspired to listen
And to let the notes swim through
my body, my blood
Like nourishment so true.

I was inspired to smile
And to allow sheer joy
Entrance for awhile.

Moments like these do not last
I'm smart enough to say
But never having them at all,
Would be far worse
Than how quickly these moments fade away.

A vent on being "tiny"

I'm not an overweight girl. In fact, I'm quite average and that's the thing.

Now, reading this, one might think I'm about to babble on and on about all of my bodily imperfections and, if by chance I was correct in that assumption, I wouldn't blame one for thinking such things. However, one would be wrong to every possible degree if they thought that's what this was about. So now, I'm asking you to simply read unobjectively, keep an open mind and maybe.....just maybe.....enjoy yourself a little......

I'll begin with what brought these feelings of wonder, about:

Today at school I was walking from my car to class. It's the end of August in South Carolina and to be plain, it's damn hot. Sweating is a given no matter what you do and down here, it's probably more normal to be sweating than to not be. Anyway, in my trudge from car to class I noticed people. That's what I do, I'm a people watcher I guess. In my mind, I comment on perhaps something they are wearing, how they've chosen to style their hair, the purse one gal could have on her shoulder or the extremely large butt the man in front of me is sporting. To be particular and to get back to my point, I noticed a girl today. She wasn't wearing anything unique or out of the ordinary. As a matter of fact, she looked pretty dull and maybe that's what made me look her way. It was more likely the fact that I passed her going in the opposite direction and being the avid people watcher that I am I pretty much notice any and all, dull or unique. This girl was petite and the precise moment I registered that fact is when I said to myself......"I wonder what it's like to be that tiny."

My belly bulges slightly, it has my entire life....maybe more than slightly but I'm trying not to be self-degredating remember?? Anyway, my thighs up towards my butt are bigger than I'd prefer without a doubt and speaking of my butt.....hell, I'm not even gonna go there. This tiny girl couldn't have weighed more than 100lbs and I felt annoyed. It's certainly not her fault my thighs do a little jig whenever I run.....or is it??? After seeing her this afternoon I began to notice every single tiny girl in school it seemed and it only left me feeling pitiful. It's honestly pathetic how much I stress about the size of my body, but it's close to an uncontrollable obsession that I rarely do anything about....except maybe skip a meal here or there (don't give me that eating disorder bologna either....I enjoy food and don't enjoy barfing....so don't judge me damnit!) I often chose to blame it all on myself, but why the hell can't I blame the tiny girls? The girls with perfect bodies?? They probably never get blamed for anything and it's high time they did because they're leaving gals like me to ask that one lingering, haunting question..... "What on earth does it feel like to be that tiny?"

To not have a slight bulge of the belly that's especially prominent when I sit down would simply be a dream come true. I know what one might be saying now....."EXCERCISE!" The only desirable answer I have to that is...."NO!" I bet the tiny girls don't ever do cardio. I bet they eat McDonalds and cake, too. It would sound cliche to say it isn't fair but, seriously.....IT'S NOT!! If I could step inside a tiny girl's head and listen to her inner monologues I bet she's never wondering what it's like to be that "average."

I've run off into a bit of a rant here and for that I apologize because that wasn't my intention, I just got carried away. It's easy to feel misguided now and so I want to set the record straight....for the most part, I'm content with my shapely curves. There's always going to be days when thinner appears more beautiful and the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence. Now's the time I should say something about inner beauty is the true beauty and get all sorts of philosophical but I'm going to spare you from that as well.

It's just that (and honestly I can't help it)......sometimes and only sometimes ...... I just wonder what it's like to be that tiny.

Milk jugs n' rainbows

The sun peeked through the rain this morning. I was driving at the time but I looked for a rainbow anyway; there wasn't one. Too bad I guess.

I thought of something this morning when I was driving that I haven't thought about in, well, I guess you could say years. I feel old when I make a statement like that....."I haven't thought about that in years." I digress......Anyway, I'm not totally sure what triggered the nostalgia at such a wee time in the AM but I guess that's sort of irrelevant....I was reminded of a time when I was pretty young, I'm not totally sure what age (maybe 3...could be 4) My grandparents had a swimming pool and we (a family of 5) for some reason did not. I refused, and when I say refused I mean threw temper tantrums, if I didn't have my milk jugs. Now, let me explain my milk jugs for you.....actually they don't require that much explanation.....they were empty, plastic 1 gallon milk jugs that I used to hold on to as I swam to keep me afloat. You could perhaps call them ghetto swimmies. Go ahead, call me ghetto but those jugs worked and I'd used em' today if I ever left the shallow end.

I was pretty dependant on those jugs every summer for several years. My Grandpa kept them in his shed in the backyard so I always knew where to run as soon as my bathing suit was strapped on. I was like superhuman holding on to those milk jugs. I could swim, splash and go under water like all the big kids. Without them, I was like a bath without bubbles, Christmas without Santa, mac n' cheese without bits of hot dog cut up in it, or worse....Barbie without Ken.

One hot, sunny summer afternoon, I decided to go without the jugs. I said to my Grandpa...."not today." I slowly inched closer and closer to that circular swimming pool, climbed the ladder, dipped my toes in and begged my big brothers not to leave my side!!! They started to get bored with me because I think I might've sat there close to all afternoon. I had goosebumps crawling up and down my teeny legs (I so wish they were still teeny....once again tho, I digress) Anyway, finally I just did it......I jumped in....and when I say jumped, well, I mean it....I jumped.......with the milk jugs sitting like a trusting friend inside the locked up shed...I jumped in to that pool with nothing but my incessant ability to doggie paddle keeping me afloat. I was half crying, half laughing and half thought I was already dead.....sunk to the bottom quicker than a rock. I realized though that I was not dead.....my head was afloat and there were cheers coming from the crowd around me (well gimme a break....family counts as a crowd right??)

My dad picked me up and raised me high above his head to perform that ever-so-famous airplane move he did so well and I simply laughed......

that was the day I skipped the milk jugs.



So later on this afternoon, long after my reminiscent morning, the sun peeked through the rain again.....and finally... there was a rainbow.

sweet/not so sweet time on my side

Oohhh to have the time to sit down and write again.

That's actually a lame excuse, Beth.....but nice try.

Just because I've been taking classes 2 days a week and working every day doesn't mean for one second I haven't had the time. I've been busy, sure....but never too busy.

So it's official, I've been a writing lazy bum. I've allowed myself to get caught up in other things and have let it slip from my mind how much I actually enjoy doing this whole writing thing. How good I am at it is neither here nor there.....I just like it and have not been nurturing it properly.

Now that I am sitting in front of my computer with the "time" and energy to devote to this one task, I am at loss for words which isn't typical for me....I have so-called "words" for every/anything....but now when it's completely necessary to have "words" they've escaped me.

HOW RUDE!!

All I wanna do is talk.....or write.....but noooooo that's just too much to ask for. Something interesting to write about is too much to ask for. Screw that! I'm not even asking....I'm demanding that I have something, hell, anything to write about....but the words have vanished. Disappeared into thin air. Ever to reappear???? I DON'T KNOW!! YOU TELL ME!!!

I could talk about growing my hair out if you'd like. I cut it short last year.....yep, took off like 8 inches and ever since I decided to grow it out it's taking forever to get back to a good length.....OH my goodness am I serious???? Am I seriously writing about how long it's taking my hair to grow out?!?!? I'm gonna end up losing all my faithful readers (all 3 of them) to sheer boredom......my readers will be sitting at their computers with the "time" to read and maybe even comment on this long over-due newest blog of mine only to place their chins in their hand, fight to keep their eyes open for a solid minute and then BOOM hit their heads on their desks becuz I'm BORING THEM TO SLEEP!!!!!

Am I having trouble because it's easier for me to write when something huge is happening to me like a break-up, a move to another state, a family member's death, etc??? I don't even really know why I keep asking all these questions to noone in particular because no one else can answer them but me, so why bother??? Maybe this is just a huge case of writer's block and all I need to do is step away from my computer for a few minutes....maybe an hour....come back to it refreshed and ready....right??? There I go with the unanswerable questions again.

I don't know. Maybe this is it my loving, faithful readers. Maybe my writing ship has sailed and I'll never find anything interesting to write about again. How sad of a thought is that??? Deep down I know that can't possibly be true....or maybe it can.

One thing that is certain at this point......I'm boring myself right now.

"On a clear day, I can see....see for a long way...."

When someone is born into the world as, of course an infant; that's birth.....but when someone becomes someone new and their possibilities become endless, their maturation is so extraordinay that you can't even remember who they used to be; that's called re-birth.....and I'm going to tell you the story of my own re-birth....I will be brief so as not to bore, but concise so as to fully capture its magnitude......it will be 2 years in April when my life began, and I didn't realize it, until this very moment.

It wasn't because of someone else that I changed. It was actually because I left someone else behind that caused my life to finally spark....with life, if it even makes sense to write such a statement. Anyway, I digress, the choice I made was past due really and I'm not going to re-hash it for you all now, but that's the exact time it happened. I simply woke up. I moved 800 miles away. I was accepted into school to earn my degree in english. I busted my ass waiting on both appreciative and overly appreciative golfers. Stashed away a nice nest egg for myself and was even able to loan money to a few people whom I love/adore, with no worries about my own welfare. It was fantastic. I was single. It was new for me and I savored every second of it!

I turned 24 this last November and with the excitement of a birthday came this feeling of doom. DOOM. What a word....so gloomily descriptive....yet so accurately used in this particular case, because while 24 is by no means old.....to me it felt gloomy. All of the things previously mentioned became burdens all of the sudden. I began despising school work and found out I wasn't going to be graduating as quickly as I had originally anticipated. Working in the restaraunt was becoming tedious and, for lack of a better word, annoying. I was spending too much of my "nest egg" on items I definitely did not need.....and the worst part of it all was.....I was missing the one thing I left behind not so very long ago. There was nothing there to miss, but I sure as hell found a way to miss it. I guess you could say that my 24th birthday brought with it a sense of self-pity, a lack a self-esteem (seeings how I have not had a boyfriend in almost 2 years now), and most of all a lack in overall self-worth. I was feeling so low about myself I didn't even feel like turning to God anymore (and He's the One who listens the best believe it or not)

I had dreams when I was 21 of where I would be by the time I was 24 or 25 and those dreams had your basic.....husband/children/career all in that order. I was closer at 21 to the husband and children than I am now, at 24 and, well....call it petty....but it scared me to death, because then I started thinking.....will I even be blessed enough to bring children into this world?? Is any man EVER going to love me like I was loved in the past?? And then of course thoughts like those turn into thoughts like.....that was NOT love! WAKE UP BETH!!!

How does God....or the world.....or anyone decide who falls in love with who.....and who gets to have the fabulous families and who doesn't??? Why can't everyone have those blessings?? Why can't those miracles be automatic??

Well......I've just recently come to my "mature" conclusion.....you remember right?? The one I was writing about previously??? And it began with my new job as a radio personality and while I've only been at it now for a week, I've discovered something about myself with it that I never knew existed and that is.... I was meant for something here.......and it isn't actually all about the husband I thought I'd have by this time or the child I thought I'd have given birth to by this time.....or the wonderful career I was destined for by 24. It's about re-birth.....the re-birth of me.

I've been single now for the longest I've ever been in probably the past 10-12 years of my life.....and for the very first time in those 10-12 years I've finally figured out what it takes to find fulfillment and while it may get lonely sometimes.....I know myself better now than I ever have. I'm doing what I set out for when I moved 2 years ago......at last! I've learned it's important to stop putting time constraints on my life....I need this before I turn 28 and that before I turn 35....blahblahblah.

My grandfather passed away a short time ago. A sad occasion to say the least. But as I looked through the pictures of his life, I realized it was one filled.....just "filled." If anything, if I'm blessed enough to live as long as my gramps did.....I have faith enough in myself that my life will become just as "filled" which gives me more than enough to look forward to and less to cry about at night.