Lying awake....

You're lying to yourself if you say that you're happy with the way things are going. Thoughts of how you wish things could be swirl around in your head endlessly when you lie in bed, awake.....wide awake.

You dwell on little things you wish would change, but never do. So much precious time has been spent foolishly stewing over the past and the future.

All the mistakes you've made seem to come into the light when it's night. You push the covers off because you're hot, you pull them on because you're cold, you turn to the right, then the left, back to the right. All vain attempts to seek comfort. You hope that if you bury your face in your pillow all thoughts will disappear and sleep will console you. It's nights like these it seems, that not even sleep will bring remedy because once you finally do fall asleep.....you dream. Escaping from your mind is an impossible task that you've at last discovered, not even sleep will fix.

Try opening a window to let in some fresh nighttime air. Let the breeze cool the burning inside you that's just begging for you to break down and cry, or scream, or sleep.

You wish your ceiling held the answers you yourself can't seem to find don't you?

Oh how frustratingly tired you're going to be in the morning when your alarm clock shakes you from your dreams! But, you silently thank your alarm clock.....for shaking you from your dreams.

If you can't sleep why can't you just fitfully rest? Why do you have to actually feel the torment of a sleepless night? Of course you know deep down, things aren't as bad as they seem. It's something about the night, something about lying awake that makes every little problem in your life slap you in your face until your problem's hands are shaken and beat red with pain.

You wonder, are you crazy?? Or does everyone experience nights like these?? It's that moment that you begin to analyze who you are, why you feel this way....it's like a whole new set of issues now that arise....in the night....while you lie awake.

It's almost as if you are on a roller coaster, but this ride's no fun because while your stomach still turns as if riding those crazy hills.....you're body is still and your mind is what actually races. While most people pay to ride a roller coaster, you'd pay to get off this one.

Oh sleep seems foreign tonight, how unfair this world is!

Try simply shutting your eyes....the sun will rise..... hold fast to pleasant thoughts, like the fact that tomorrow will be different, a fresh start...it always is.

At last, you lie asleep.