I've never been more sure....
I've been making a lot of life altering decisions lately. Normally, when it comes down to me making such a choice like where to go to school, whether or not to live on my own in an entirely different state, or whether or not to end a huge relationship with someone I've loved for the better part of my early adult life, I fold under the pressure and always go the safe route. You see, all the aforementioned are decions I have made in the past and quickly retracted because I was scared shitless to be completely honest. I was scared of being away from what was comfortable and "safe."
I've been doing the same thing with my life that I've been doing since I graduated from high school. I've been squeeking by, waiting tables, as I know I've complained about numerous times, and I have never done anything to make myself feel better about who I am and where my life is; until now.
I took myself right back to square one by moving back to New York this past winter, but I don't regret it. If I hadn't of moved back to Maylong Dr. I wouldn't have found out all the elements of myself that I never knew existed. I gathered up the courage to end what needed to end and I've made the decision to return to school and get my bachelor's degree. What's even better about this epiphany, is that I've made the choice to do so 800 miles away from home. 800 miles away from normalcy and safety. I made a pretty hefty decision not too long ago and my feelings were incredibly uneasy. Nothing felt right about my choices, and it was conflicting with everything I tried to accomplish. Some people in my life may tell me I'm acting irrationally and I'm making a hasty decision I'm going to end up regretting. Even if that were the case (which it's not) everyone knows it's ok to make fixable hasty decisions, because of that fact alone, they're fixable.
I'm doing the fixing now though. I'm cleaning up what needs cleaning and I'm leaving NY. I'm leaving behind stuff that should have been left behind a long time ago and I've never been more sure.....
I've been doing the same thing with my life that I've been doing since I graduated from high school. I've been squeeking by, waiting tables, as I know I've complained about numerous times, and I have never done anything to make myself feel better about who I am and where my life is; until now.
I took myself right back to square one by moving back to New York this past winter, but I don't regret it. If I hadn't of moved back to Maylong Dr. I wouldn't have found out all the elements of myself that I never knew existed. I gathered up the courage to end what needed to end and I've made the decision to return to school and get my bachelor's degree. What's even better about this epiphany, is that I've made the choice to do so 800 miles away from home. 800 miles away from normalcy and safety. I made a pretty hefty decision not too long ago and my feelings were incredibly uneasy. Nothing felt right about my choices, and it was conflicting with everything I tried to accomplish. Some people in my life may tell me I'm acting irrationally and I'm making a hasty decision I'm going to end up regretting. Even if that were the case (which it's not) everyone knows it's ok to make fixable hasty decisions, because of that fact alone, they're fixable.
I'm doing the fixing now though. I'm cleaning up what needs cleaning and I'm leaving NY. I'm leaving behind stuff that should have been left behind a long time ago and I've never been more sure.....
posted by Beth @ Saturday, May 07, 2005
2 Comments:
At Tuesday, May 10, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Beth, im upset that your gona be moving so far away from us, but I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. I just hope you stick with the blogs...so I have something interesting to read other then science journals all day. Good luck Biff!!
At Wednesday, May 11, 2005,
Anonymous said…
I know all of the people that love and care about Beth that read this blog are sad that she is leaving NY. I on the other hand couldn't be happier. I want you all to know that she is in good hands with some good friends down here. I luv ya girl and I can't wait until you get here!!
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